Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
