it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
