John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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