Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
