The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize