I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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