Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
