Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
