tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
