Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
