it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
