Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
