I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
did i walk over a car last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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