i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize