But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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