Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The Olympian is in my bed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
