it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
