Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
