I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
