Me too!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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