She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
