Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
