does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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