a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Your penis caused this!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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