I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize