Come see our sink grown plant.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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