You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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