Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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