I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
