pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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