I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
