I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
