hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
