only you would photoshop your dick
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
