Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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