please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize