This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
