I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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