8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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