I am puke
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
