I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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