Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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