they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dignity is for republicans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
