with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
