dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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