Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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