It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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