I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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