i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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