she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
