I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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