I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
