3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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