How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
