I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
