dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't think brook has ever known best
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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