A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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