I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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