You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
