Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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