in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
