We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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