if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
