Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
birth control should be required to get into college
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize