There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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