fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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