He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
