Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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