thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
