I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
