the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
