just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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