why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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