They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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