ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
