fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
