come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize